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One Way Trip To Paradise
Posted by Ryan Hammett
Don't you wish you lived in Hyrule? Of course you did! Is that even a question? Of course it isn't! Silly businesses aside, would you risk it all to start again? To live in the ancient world of Hyrule? You get one choice and one choice only. That is the Hyrule of Ocarina of Time, well before the flood. At least, let us hope so. The means of getting there are, well, untested. Journey aside, you get to take one lucky person with you. A total of 500 people are going, and the land of Hyrule is large and lacking polygonal walls. More after the jump!
I thought I said silly businesses aside? You wish you could go, don't you? If you don't stop and think about it...
Did you stop? Did you think about it? I wonder if it would be possible to pull off this stunt, and if it could really happen... who would I take? If I could find this one person, and set their mind on going, I would be dead set! Wait, how do you plan to survive with all those diseases that are deadly new to you? This is why I said to stop, and to think. You thought I meant it as, "Stop, you do want to go, right? Right??", wrong. I would love to visit Hyrule, even if it was for one day! The fact of staying for the rest of your life (yes, this is a one way trip, I don't care how many flyer miles you have) is like seeing your life flash before your eyes. You stand no chance, can you even fly to another country without visiting the doctors first? Why would you want to go, knowing all of this? It's suicide.
Stop, look at me, now look at yourself, now back at me. I'm not that handsome guy from the Old Spice commercials, but I am about to tell you that this trip takes place in the future where elixir's solve these inconvenient issues! Hold on, let me take a breath. This is exciting news! It's not virtual reality, because then some dude could fry your brain with microwaves and remove the log out function. Yeah, [bleep] happens. It does, and if you get that reference please tell me you feel bad for the girl trapped in the tree?
Off track, so where on Earth were we? Oh, right. We weren't on Earth. We just traveled to Hyrule and drank elixir that just saved our lives. Yeah, son. This is the future of travel! So let me ask you again, do you wish you could go to Hyrule? It's like life in prison, but if you want to be crushed by a moon, that's cool too. What is better than watching the moon fall in 3D? Seeing it LIVE in the dimensions of time and space. I just saved you a quick buck, and it comes with surround sound to boot! See? You do want to go, right? Visit those Gerudo women and crawl around Death Mountain like an ant on an anthill...
So, I have yet to get your answer. Would you risk it all, would you give it all up, just to go and live in Hyrule. Here is a very small disclaimer: Link is not around, Ganondorf is missing in action, Zelda is way too young for you, Ruto is also too young for you, Malon is-- just stop thinking about it; you don't have a special ocarina, you don't have a horse, you aren't on a horse, you don't get to eat a horse, you have no home to start with, there are no Hyrubucks (Starbucks), there are no laws to prohibit psychopaths who get to go with you to not kill you, you get to take one person, the elixir has a side effect on hearing and everyone who goes speaks-a-d-English, you have no rights, you have no money, you can't visit the Great Fairies.
That was a mouth full, and I think I said that in one breath! Now that that's out of the way, and you already had a decision before reading the disclaimer that may have prevent you from going, how is life on the other side?